=kyusai

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No words for it

Journal Entry: Mon May 25, 2009, 2:48 PM

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_{I left and it was snowing so bad they had to de-ice our plane, I come back and the air conditioner needs to be on. This place can be wierd sometimes.

I just spent the last week on a sudden trip home to spend with my gramma and my family. She's been having trouble for a while now, but has been mostly up, vibrant, and stubborn as ever. A week ago she caught bronchitis, which lead to pneumonia, and kidney failure. When we skyped her for mother's day she cried a bit as she asked me to visit, when I saw her a few days ago she could only half open her eyes and moan a bit to acknowledge I was there.

It's a beautiful and horrible thing to watch someone die. I'm only thankful that it was peaceful, that she was surrounded by so many people that loved her as we can all only hope for.

My gramma had been struggling a lot with the idea of dying. She frequently asked my mom and others how to do 'it'. The day she went into the hospital she was very ill but she told my mom 'I figured 'it' out, but it's a secret'. 'Can you tell me?' My mom asked her. 'I can't tell you, because there are no words for 'it'.

So she figured 'it' out, what all of us need to figure out in the end I suppose.

Not a lot of people are close to their grandparents, I don't think. My gramma was the only grandparent I had for most of my life. She was as beautiful and loving as she was stubborn and frustrating, but she meant more to me than I'm sure she ever knew.

Hug someone you love today. Go outside and sit in the sun or take a walk through the rain. Remember each day we move forward, each of us trying to find our own answer to 'it'.

I love you gramma.}

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*Flayrah May 25, 2009, 2:55:07 PM

I'm so sorry to hear you lost her, but at least you had the chance to know and love a wonderful person (I never knew any of my grandparents), and got to say goodbye to her.
I hope you heal soon.

--
"There is no sin except stupidity" ~ Oscar Wilde

DA BJD club: [link]

=kyusai May 25, 2009, 8:04:41 PM

_{Thank you very much I am so grateful for that chance, knowing it makes the loss easier and harder at the same time. I know the healing will come, grief itself is a life experience. Thank you again though for such lovely words.}

--
_{Black Tea
Gothic & Lolita Fashion and Accessories
Now creating for Ball-Joint Dolls!
Shop Black Tea @ Etsy}

*Flayrah May 26, 2009, 7:04:44 AM

You're welcome...I know how hard it is to lose someone you love very much.

--
"There is no sin except stupidity" ~ Oscar Wilde

DA BJD club: [link]

~chappuru May 26, 2009, 2:30:29 PM

Your words are so beautiful-- it gave me chills. I too have recently lost someone dearly, though for some odd reason it hasn't hit me yet... but you know? Just reading this, it is all starting to make sense. My condolences to you and your family.

=kyusai May 28, 2009, 7:29:00 AM

_{Thank you, I'm sorry to hear of your loss as well. I hope your pain eases and your healing starts. Sometimes the hardest part is making sense of it all.}

--
_{Black Tea
Gothic & Lolita Fashion and Accessories
Now creating for Ball-Joint Dolls!
Shop Black Tea @ Etsy}

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P r o j e c t s

_{T-shirt of death - pattern restart

Website - design completed, content uploading

Inventory and setup - 80%

Crazy skirt ensemble (SD sized) - on hold

Avelin's bodice-thing collaboration - 15%

Stripey Square Toques - (1)90% (2)0%}